Volunteer Help Needed

As our schedule continues to grow, we are in a position of not being able to do it all ourselves.

We are looking for a volunteer receptionist on Tuesdays from 3:30- 7:30 pm and Thursdays from 12:30-6:00 pm.

We are in the process of forming committees to help plan a fundraising event called The Great Race based on the TV show The Amazing Race. There are numerous ways to be involved with planning this event.

Please contact Jen at 417-624-4833 if you are interested in being a part of House of Hope Joplin in any of these capacities.

Leadership Grant Update

We are excited to announce that we are almost half way to reaching our match for the By His Grace Leadership Grant. Our goal is to raise $20,000 and we have raised $13,500 toward that goal. However, that also means that we still need to raise $6,500 more dollars.

If you have not yet given toward this match, please take a moment to consider joining us in this campaign by giving either a onetime gift or making a monthly commitment.

The Great Race

House of Hope Joplin Presents “The Great Race”

September 18, 2010
Episode 1: Chance, Pursuit, Risk (CPR)

Teams of two compete in different legs during the course of the race, each consisting of various tasks to accomplish. There could be physical tasks, mental tasks, tasks that include finding things, and tasks utilizing strangers. Roadblocks and detours must be overcome as teams race to be the first to the Pit Stop. You don’t need to be physically fit to participate. This race benefits House of Hope Joplin.

Click Here To Register And For More Info.

Research: Teens Like Parents

Canadian researchers have recently discovered a shocking fact: Teens like their parents! Ok, maybe they don’t like them all the time, and even when they do it’s often hard to tell. But in the latest installment of a Canadian study called Project Teen Canada, researchers found that teens today do in fact have stronger ties to their parents than any group of young people in the past 30 years.

The study, which has spanned 25 years, found that 90% of teens are highly influenced by their mothers and 80% by their fathers. Additionally, teens today report arguing less with parents and they feel more understood by parents than teens from previous decades. The report went on to say that today’s teens also enjoy spending time with their parents much more than teens that were surveyed as recent as the year 2000. So, assuming that Canadian and American teens are pretty much the same except for their chosen pronunciation of a handful of words, chances are that your teens like you more than you liked your mom and dad.

But why the change? Well, according to the researchers in this study, parents today are simply doing a better job focusing on their families. They are reportedly better at balancing work and family life and are spending more time getting to know their teens. This boost in quality time has led to more communication and increased parental influence in the lives of young people.

However, these better relationships may not have translated to better teens. As interaction between parents and teens has reportedly improved over the years, and parental influence has also increased, we as a society are still dealing with huge amounts teen drug and alcohol abuse as well as STD’s and pregnancy. Maybe this is because some of today’s parents are actually spending less time, not more, focusing on their kids. Numerous studies tell us that families are no longer eating meals together, have less face to face interaction, and operate much less as a cohesive unit. Many parents, instead of spending time with teens simply give them what they want and let them do whatever they please. Through this “path of least resistance” approach to parenting, teens and parents are bound to get along because they interact more like friends than parent and child.

However by giving teens what they want, parents aren’t always giving them what they need. It’s important for parents to remember that it’s not your job to give your teen what he wants so he’s happy, nor is it your job to merely enforce rules to keep him safe. The job of a parent is to raise healthy responsible adults and to do that parents must say “No” when they must, “Yes” when they can and most of all parents must strive to spend as much time as possible getting to know their teens.

It is through this time together that your communication with your teen will grow and he will be able to understand that you provide freedom out of trust and boundaries out of love.

House of Hope Ribbon Cutting

You are invited to House of Hope Joplin’s Ribbon Cutting Ceremony and Open House on March 17th.  We are inviting the entire Joplin community to learn more about our growing ministry and work in the Joplin area.

We are located at 614 S. Wall Street, Suite 3 in Joplin.

View Larger Map

What Your Teen Really Needs

The key to your teenager’s happiness isn’t what you think
By Jim Burns

Q. With three busy teenagers, our family life is incredibly chaotic. The stress is impacting the kids and our marriage. How can we get our lives back on track?

A. While it is probably wise to re-evaluate your family activity level and scale back a bit, I find that families often make themselves busy in order to avoid the deeper issues that add stress to the family. So many of the parents of teens I know spend the bulk of their time in crisis mode. They spend their waking moments moving from breakfast to laundry to meetings to soccer practice to homework to dinner to church to the bills, and finally, to bed. I see them spinning the plates of marriage, children, work, home, church, extended family, and volunteer work. They tell me they are afraid that if they quit spinning, a plate will crash. So they keep on spinning.

Unfortunately, the plate that often gets neglected is the marriage. Sadly, it’s often the kids who suffer the most when a marriage falls apart. Teens still need a strong home base and the sense of security that comes from knowing the adults in their lives are happy and healthy. In other words, when you work at making your marriage healthy, you will reduce the stress in your entire family.

One couple I know, Greg and Dana, hit a crisis when their kids were teenagers. Their marriage had never been what you would call a model marriage, but raising teenagers put too much strain on the relationship. Dana was pouring her life into her kids. Greg was pouring part of his energy into the kids and the rest into his work. On paper they looked good: They were active in church, hardly ever missed their kids’ games, and helped with homework most every night.

The problem was that they seldom gave uninterrupted time to each other. When they did focus on each other they were usually too tired to give out anything but their “emotional scraps.” Greg was dangerously close to having an affair and Dana had resigned herself to having a miserable marriage.

One day their teenage son, Derrek, blurted out, “Why don’t you two spend some time together? Other parents go out on dates and take time away. I don’t know if I even want to get married if it is going to wind up like your marriage!” Greg and Dana were stunned. They hadn’t considered that their kids would notice the distance between them. But here was Derrek, begging for security.

That night Greg and Dana went out for coffee. For the first time in a long time they had an honest talk about their relationship thanks to their son’s comments. He needed them but he also needed them to love each other and make an investment in their marriage.

If your marriage is starting to look like Greg and Dana’s, try some of these ideas:

Date nights. This is the time to court each other. You don’t have to spend much—or any—money. Just get reacquainted. It will do wonders for your marriage and bring greater security to your teens.

House parties. Someone once said, “If the devil can’t make you bad, he will make you busy.” Plan regular “nights off” where your family simply hangs out together.

Time outs. In one family we know, Mom and Dad reserve 15 uninterrupted minutes after dinner to talk about the day and connect. It’s amazing what a cup of hot tea and 15 minutes will do for a relationship.

Long kisses. Make a habit of squeezing in at least one 15-second kiss every day. And don’t be afraid to do it in front of the kids. They might think it’s gross but they will find more security in that kiss than they’ll ever admit.

Keeping your marriage strong is one of the best things you can do for your teenager. So put down some of those plates and get busy reconnecting with the love of your life.

Jim Burns is an author, speaker, and the president of YouthBuilders (youthbuilders.com).

Copyright © 2004 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Parenting Today magazine.

Raising Culture-Conscious Kids

How to shore your teenager up for life in our world.
by Jim Burns

There is no question that the way we parent is impacted by the world we live in. And what a world it is!

Instead of Ozzie and Harriet, we’ve got Ozzy Osbourne. We have to help our children deal with AIDS, Ecstasy, and terrorism. Movies, music, television, video games, and the Internet offer thousands of ways for our children to get into trouble. It can feel overwhelming to try to give our teenagers the tools they need to make godly decisions in an ungodly world.

Jesus knew we would always live in a delicate balance with culture. He commanded us to go out into the world for his sake (Mark 16:15), but the Bible also reminds us to step carefully (1 John 2:15-16). As parents, we need to teach our children to do just that. Thankfully, Paul’s letter to the Ephesians (see sidebar) can serve as our guide.

Know what you’re up against (Eph. 6:10-12). In any battle, it’s essential to really understand your opponent. Parents must become students of today’s culture and have a sense of reverence for its power and influence. Become familiar with the music your teenager listens too, even if you can’t stand the sound of it. Know what Internet sites he visits, what movies he watches, what books he reads. Read teen magazines and check out MTV once in a while to learn more about the voices that are influencing today’s teens.

Keep your eyes open (Eph. 6:13-17). Just because your child grew up in a Christian home or is part of a youth group doesn’t mean he won’t face the same temptations and influences as his peers. As your teen begins to make more of his own decisions, help him stay grounded in his Christian values and the Word. Talk with him about the gifts God has given him and how he might use them in the world. Ask him about ways his faith can help him deal with the challenges he faces. Encourage his devotional life and help him apply God’s Word to his daily life.

Use the power of prayer (Eph. 6:18). I often wake up in the middle of the night and go into each of my daughters’ rooms and pray over them. I lean toward my wife, place my hands above her head, and I pray for spiritual protection for her. I do this not because I’m a spiritual giant but because I am desperate! The Bible is clear; it is our duty as parents to pray regularly and often for and with our children. In the end, it will be God at work in your teen’s heart that helps him be a light in our dark world.

—Jim Burns is an author, speaker, and the president of YouthBuilders. Learn more about his work at youthbuilders.com.

Ephesians 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Parenting Today magazine.

Summer 2010

Summer 2010 – Letter From Director Jen Black

Download Complete Summer 2010 Newsletter!

Freedom is something that we all long for, whether it be in our job, the country we choose to live in, our faith, or what we have for lunch. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6 that all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. I love this; it gives me all the freedom I want… Do you remember being 13 and beginning to put your foot down and demanding freedom? Do you remember being 15 1/2 and pushing your parents to go ahead and let you date?

A good friend of mine currently has teenage daughters. The other day she said to me, “I’m done, I need for them to go away for a few years and then they can come back and I’ll be their mom again.” I laughed and reminded her that everybody was doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. The girls are at a place where they are becoming their own persons, beginning the stages of adulthood; and that she and her husband were the guardians of that process. They are pulling the reins when needed and still creating safe boundaries for the girls, helping them make wise choices. It’s not fun, it’s not supposed to be, it can’t be. These are such critical years, busting out from under mom and dad

yet not having a fully developed brain to make wise decisions. Yikes! My friend was joking of course; she doesn’t like being away from the girls more than a few days at a time and would be devastated if they weren’t under her care for any length of time. However, I understand her frustration. God gives us freedom of choice. Sometimes I wonder if my brain might not be fully developed in order to make wise decisions. Another friend and I have participated in Lent for the last few years. This year someone challenged me to give up meat. Due to my misunderstanding of how Lent is practiced, I agreed.

I gave up meat and sweets. Wow, was that difficult. The thing I missed the most was chewing meat. Weird!

Anyway, needless to say, Easter weekend was full of eating and enjoying the things we had given up. After having bacon for breakfast, a cheeseburger for lunch and a few Peeps throughout the day, I was miserable to the point I couldn’t enjoy dinner. I had taken advantage of my “new” freedom. The interesting thing was for weeks after Lent, I found myself forgetting that I could eat meat. I would search the menu to figure out what I could have that didn’t contain meat. I quickly forgot that I was free. One of our mom’s shared the other night in parenting class that she forgets that she has the freedom to eat a bowl of cereal at night. Her previous husband had been so controlling and abusive that she would get punished for eating cereal in the evening. Can you imagine? We are all bound by something, whether it is self inflicted or inflicted by someone else, whether it is for our own good or if it is a thorn in our side. Sometimes God has to pull the reins on us when we are acting as if our brains aren’t fully developed.

When families walk through our door, their boundaries have become blurred. We get the privilege and have the responsibility to remind or teach parents their role as guardians and to teach teens how to navigate these difficult years. We get to help them straighten out the boundaries and introduce them to a freedom that they have forgotten about or have not yet tasted.

Download Complete Summer 2010 Newsletter!

The Center of the Universe

Breaking through your preteen’s selfishness
By Mark Oestreicher

Our 11-year-old seems to think the whole world revolves around her. Why is she suddenly so self-centered?

A. This is an almost universal issue with preteens. Kids who were, just months ago, generous and outward-focused turn in on themselves and become seemingly obsessed with their own lives and incapable of noticing the needs of others.

Think of it this way: self-centeredness is a natural fungus on the tree of development. The crazy amount of change going on in the lives of preteens and young teens (ages 10-14) makes it incredibly difficult for them to pay attention to much of anything else. They are developing so much that sometimes it’s all a kid can do to keep up with her own body and emotions, much less those of someone else.

Where this turns on its head is in the extreme self-consciousness most preteens exhibit. Their bodies are changing rapidly, causing them to be deeply concerned with how other people will perceive these changes. They are testing the waters of forming opinions and developing a worldview and are terrified of being perceived as stupid or weird.

For example, if you were to walk across the back of a crowded lecture room (say, church), you would try to be quiet so as not to distract anyone. At the same time, you assume the people paying attention and facing the opposite direction will not really notice you.

Not so with young teens. In the same situation, they’ll assume that everyone in the room is paying attention to them (apparently through the back of their heads!) and evaluating their every move.

This combination of self-centeredness and self-consciousness is natural, but that doesn’t mean parents should just ignore it. I’ve found that the absolute best antidote is experience—experience that forces their attention on other people.

Make an effort to involve your daughter in activities that allow her to serve others in need. Consider a regular gig serving at a soup kitchen, taking a family missions trip, or working with a Habitat for Humanity team to build a house for a poor family. This establishes a pattern of noticing the needs of others. It can create a small opportunity for noticing that the world is more than just them. These experiences work like yeast in expanding their worldview.

Still, it’s normal for preteens to have a hard time thinking beyond the here and now; if you ask their favorite movie of all time, they’ll say the one they saw last week. Preteens don’t have a sense of their own past and often don’t have a sense of the future either. They live in the moment, which makes it hard for them to project the consequences of their often-selfish actions.

As an adult, you make decisions on the road of life. You can look in the rear-view mirror and see the long path behind you, including the choices you’ve made along the way. You can look at the long stretch ahead of you and get a sense of what’s to come. But preteens are on a sharp curve in the road—the curve of transition and developmental change. The rearview mirror doesn’t show much; and the front view is a blind curve.

To help your daughter move beyond today, ask speculation questions about the future to help her begin to see more of the road (she won’t naturally do this on her own). Ask where she’d like her life to go, what she hopes the next three, five, ten years are like. Go ahead and encourage some fantasy—there’s no need for an 11-year-old to start making concrete career plans.

And remember, this section of the road with its self-centeredness and “all is now” perspective will pass. This is the road God sends all of us down during the preteen years. You can trust that God can bring good things out of even this trying time.

Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties (YouthSpecialties.com), the leading provider of resources and training for Christian youth workers.

Discipline for the Long Haul

Discipline for the Long Haul
Teenagers still need the guidance of parents. Here’s how to stay the course.
By Jim Burns

Morgan came home from a party where she had been drinking. Morgan’s parents had made it quite clear that if she ever drank and then drove, they would immediately sell her car. That night there was very little discussion and the next day the car had a “for sale” sign on it. Morgan wasn’t very happy with her parents and having one less car inconvenienced the whole family. However, her parents did the absolute right thing.

There are plenty of changes that come along with the onset of the teen years. But one part of child rearing remains constant no matter how old your children are: all kids, whether they’re 5 or 15, need loving, consistent discipline.

But disciplining your teenager comes with all kinds of unique challenges. Not only is he bigger, more verbal, and able to get into a whole lot more trouble than his younger self, he is emotionally preparing to become an adult and that means he’s more likely to challenge your authority and push the limits of the laws you’ve laid down.

The Bible offers a wonderful model for parents struggling to discipline their teens. Scripture talks about the “rod” of discipline (Prov. 13:24; 23:13-14). “The “rod” used in biblical days was a staff shepherds used to guide their sheep. It wasn’t a tool of punishment, but rather a way to lead the sheep down the right path. Here are four practical “rods” of discipline to consider as you guide your teen down this final leg of path to adulthood.

Quit fighting and arguing. You can’t effectively guide, disciple, or mentor your teenager if you are fighting and arguing with him all the time. When conversations get heated, agree to walk away until you’ve both calmed down. Some parents don’t like hearing me saying this, but the responsibility for creating a parent-child relationship that is relatively relaxed and respectful, rather than tension-filled, rests primarily on the parent. The best way to stop constant negativity, nagging, fighting, and yelling is to not allow it or engage in it.

Clearly express your expectations. Children, regardless of their age, feel more secure when their parents are perfectly clear about acceptable behaviors and attitudes. Proactive parenting—where you explain rules, consequences and rewards— takes more time than reactive parenting—where you figure out how to solve a problem after it’s happened—but is so much more effective.

Be consistent with consequences. Our job is not to always prevent our children from making mistakes but rather to make certain they learn from their mistakes. We so badly want to be liked by our kids that we sometimes let them off the hook when their actions call for tough consequences. That tends to produce confusion and mixed messages; kids have a hard time figuring out which rules you’re serious about and which ones you’ll give on when pushed. Like Morgan’s parents in the story above, we all need to be prepared to do what we’ve said we’ll do when our kids go against the rules we’ve set up.

Don’t expect to be thanked for your discipline. I recently asked a group of parents, “How many of you really liked your parents when you were a teenager?” Only a few hands went up. Parents are the most influential force in a child’s life. Your kids will thank you after they have had their own kids but rarely in the heat of the battle.

For discipline to be effective for teenagers, we parents have to be willing to make unpopular decisions and dole out consequences for irresponsible actions. Far too many parents try to be their child’s best friend through the teenage years, becoming more lenient and giving a child more freedom than he can handle. But teenagers don’t need more friends, they need parents who are willing to stand firm in their God-given role of guide and protector.

—Jim Burns is an author, speaker, and the president of YouthBuilders. Learn more about his work at youthbuilders.com